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It’s at this time of year that I’m often struck by how unlikely gifts are to score a ’10’ (on a scale of 1 - to - 10). That’s because for a ’10’ to happen, three things have to occur:
#1. A gift must be unexpected and unknown to the recipient.
#2. A gift must fit perfectly into the recipient’s life.
#3. The gift must be appropriate in value.
For example, with #3, if your best friend likes Tesla cars, they're simply too expensive (and would require too great a reciprocal gift), plus that friend likely already has one.
Or, if your child likes a series of books, the universe of that book series is probably already known—and perhaps picked over, so anything you might stumble upon would fail #1, and perhaps #2.
Of course one can always give something generic, like a gift card or a subscription, but these border on the impersonal (mutual friends: "She gave you a gift card to that hip bar? That's what she gave me!") Likewise, you could be giving everyone on your list the latest kitchen gadget you use and like, or a subscription to your favorite magazine (“At least I know I like these.”)--which of course says more about you than the recipient, meaning #2 would almost certainly be a fail.
Denied an easy solution to the gift giving dilemma, we usually opt for breaking either #1 (“So, what do you want for Christmas?") or #2 (sheepishly, “The receipt's in there in case you want a different color.”), hoping to settle for a ‘9’ or ‘8’ on the 1 - to - 10 scale.
But guessing can easily land us much lower, setting up the possibility that our recipient might wish we hadn't bothered, which is the storyline behind much gift giving. The wild guess ("A pogo stick!"), the mainstream choice (“Hey, #1 on the charts.”), or even worse, a failed gift we’re hoping to unload on someone else (“Brown mustard; it’s made with anchovies!”). And yet, if guessing won’t do, and we don’t have time to comb through possibilities, what’s to become of us?
Honestly, sometimes the best option is to dodge:
* Family: In a large, mature family, or one that includes multiple adult generations, draw name pairs from a hat (first one’s the giver and second the recipient), and give just one gift each. This places the emphasis on togetherness, rather than gift giving.
* Dear Friends: Develop one’s gift giving instincts, just not during the holidays. When one comes upon a likely gift that approaches a ’10’, indulge, and rather than saving it to fill the hole of the obligatory December gift, explain that you feel Christmas has become too commercialized, but that “I couldn’t resist when I saw this; I think you’ll like it."
* Half-baked acquaintances: Send holiday greeting cards to anyone who gives you a gift. In the card, explain that you decided to donate all the money you normally spend on gifts to the XX charity. You'll be cutting off your supply of unhealthy food ("Chocolate covered goo!”), knick-knacks (“A doggy ornament!”), and coffee table books (“Harbors of the World!”), in the years to come, but for some of us, that’s a plus.
